Gross Out!

Have you ever been really grossed out? I mean something grabbed you by the throat and almost brought you to your knees gagging? No, I didn’t take the aluminum foil off something in the refrigerator and find maggots working, but if you thought that, then you’re not far from what I am talking about. For seven years I have sat in the same chair at work. The chair was there when I arrived. It worked, it fit, so I didn’t question it. I did add a sheepskin to keep it cool in summer and warm in winter. No, I didn’t find worms in the sheepskin. But moths have worked on it over the years. Recently this pneumatically adjustable chair lost its ability to hold air and collapsed all the way down, which rendered it useless, since that puts my computer keyboard at nose level. So, in frustration, I flipped the chair over hoping to discover either something unplugged or a label with manufacturer information to get help repairing it. When I flipped it over, I noted the underside of the seat had an off-white fabric covering with labels pasted on it. But I also noticed something all over the left side of this fabric and even on the labels on that side. Upon closer examination it became quite clear what it was—and that’s when my knees buckled and my lunch did a back flip. What I was looking at (and almost touching—gag) was nasal deposits. You know, finger in nostril, hand down beside chair, finger wiped on cloth bottom. Not just a time or two, but hundreds of times. The only thing that could have made this worse was for maggots to have been working in it. Sorry, I know this is gross. And my wife told me not to tell anyone. I wanted to take photos and post them on Facebook, but she absolutely forbade it upon pain of . . . well, never mind. So, my only recourse to get this nightmare out of my head was my blog, which she never reads. My advice: if you are sitting at work in a chair that you inherited from someone else, don’t flip it over.